i try to keep my blog posts lighthearted and full of witty commentary. rarely do i get super personal. not this time...this post is going to be hyper personal...
when i was a graduating senior from high school my parents split up. anyone who has seen the demise of their parent's marriage knows the emotional impact that has, whether you are 4 years old or 45 years old. its the death of a relationship that was made by a conscious choice by one or both parties involved. my four siblings and i were suitably devastated by this news. my grandparents came down to mesa from orem, ut to try and apply a bandage to the vulnerable wounds we all had. one of the ways they chose to bring smiles back to our faces was to get us a dog.
we had a dog previous to the divorce named Cami. she was part of our family from when i was ages 11 - 16. she was a sheltie and super sweet. she died from heat exhaustion while my family was on vacation. my grandparents recognized the ache we felt about my father leaving and decided that they could try to plug that hole by purchasing a new beautiful sheltie puppy. that is how Macy came into my life when i was 17.
macy is funny, spunky, sweet, gentle and completely loving. she loves to stick her head out of the window when driving in the car and would consistently bark at any and all types of white vehicles. all of the other colors she would let pass her by without a peep, but the white ones felt her frustration with not being able to chase after them. she hated going to the groomer, but loved the extra petting she would receive after she was cleaned and smelling fresh with bows in her fur.
i used to joke that i would miss my mom, grandpa and macy more than my siblings and siblings-in-law once i moved away from the family nest. i was joking of course but a part of me knew that where i chose to live my life wouldn't be ideal for having a dog of my own to come home to. i would miss macy excitedly wagging her tail or pawing at my leg because i wasn't paying attention to her. for the last 8 1/2 years since i left home i would consistently make my family members go find macy and put the phone by her ear so that i could talk to her and let her know that i loved and missed her. (not sure if my family lied to me because they told me she would listen intensely and look around for me. i really hope they were telling me the truth.)
i have her picture at my desk at work along with photos of my family members. in every way she was a member of our family. she is now 14 years old and has been living with daily pills, long naps and very bad hips. she is still spunky but in a less enthusiastic way. my mom continues to call macy "her most obedient child."
tomorrow we are losing macy. tomorrow i am losing that loving individual that is ALWAYS happy to see me when i come home. i am losing a very special friend who would always eat the food i didn't want to choke down from dinner. i am losing my one time sleeping companion who would always hog the bed and pillows. tomorrow i am losing my dog.
it hurts and i'm crying with sadness but i have a greater need to know that she doesn't hurt anymore. i have to be unselfish and not ask more of her than she has consistently given to me and the rest of my family. i sometimes say that we got the better end of the deal with my father leaving so that we could welcome macy to our family...i still believe that is true.
i have a picture in my mind of macy and cami making friends in the next life. they will both be waiting for me with wagging tails and happy smiles. i love you very much macy and always will!