the young married crowd

i'm never going to be a young married woman.  i've finally come to the realization that i'm not "young" and have known i'm not married for quite a while; therefore, if i do get married i will jump straight into the "got married when she was in her 30s and has no children" sphere.  don't think there are many others in that sphere within the mormon culture.  i'm kinda bummed because it looks like so much fun to be part of the young married (with maybe one small child) crowd. 

 

most of my contemporaries and friends who are my age and married have multiple children, are home owners, drive vans or suburbans and plan play dates at the park.  that is so NOT my life.  i wouldn't change a moment of the time i've had to become me.  but sometimes it is a little depressing to realize that something that looks so fun probably won't be part of my life.  i just can't see my newly married self hanging out with another married couple in their early or mid 20s.  partly because i would probably appear ancient and very intimidating to them. 

 

the one thing i won't be sad about not experiencing is the young, married and POOR part of that time of life.  priorities. 

personal realization #14 - hi kettle, i'm the pot

a little over a year ago i wrote a post about this guy i met at a conference.  he complained about the lack of women to date in new york city.  i had a strong reaction to this piece of idiocy to the point that i wanted to do physical harm to him or completely take the filter from my speech and let him know what an idiot i thought he was.  anyone who knows me is well aware that i have no problem being completely honest when i think someone or something is ridiculous.

any way, on to my latest personal realization...

i was having a conversation with someone i just met and for some reason this topic came up in our short chat.  he made the point that i have essentially done the same thing that this dude did.  i have effectively decided that there are no redeeming men to date in new york city.  i interpreted a direct correlation between a few bad dates and an entire population of eligible men.  basically i am a good old hypocrite and have been living the same way that this dude expressed to me many months ago.  it's not fair to treat all men in this way.  i need to change.  awesome.  i love change.

sidenote - my good friend offered a month or so ago to set me up with a guy she works with...guess who he was?  i'll give you one guess.

"why aren't you married? you're awesome."

so i've mentioned before that people have said to me "why are you not married?  you're awesome."  it is always a bit awkward to try to come up with "acceptable" answers to this query.  then one night netter, doc and i came up with a few answers.  it was one of the funniest evenings i ever spent as we came up with reason after absurd reason.  i distinctly remember having to fall to the floor because my insides were aching from laughing so hard.  these are the types of friends everyone should have - ones that make you laugh at a touchy subject so that tears are streaming from your eyes and you have to fall to the floor to control the inner laugh pain.  so thank you netter and doc for being the type of friends that i feel blessed and lucky to have.

just in case you were wondering, below are just a few of the awesome zingers we came up with to answer the dreaded "why aren't you married" question...

• "it isn't legal yet since he's currently 16"
• "recommended to wait until he's out of prison"
• "married for eternity but only 3 years to become world ping pong champion"
• "have you seen what's out there?"
• "found him but he's waiting until he's 44 for no apparent reason"
• "waiting for his second divorce to be finalized"
• "i'd rather be a ministering angel - less fighting with in-laws"
• "want him to marry me for me and not a green card"
• "need to wait for medicare and social security to kick in for him since my insurance won't cover his double hip replacement"
• "AA recommends a year of sobriety first"

i've decided to use the ping pong champion as my 2013 answer to the dreaded question.  just now need to take ping pong lessons from my brother flex so that my dream can become a reality.

things not to say to a single woman in her 30s

for the good of single women in their 30s every where, please memorize these comments of what not to say to them or about them.

your time will come - unless you are married to father time and can for certain tell me that it is all about waiting for "my time" please keep this little morsel to yourself

it always happens when you least expect it or aren't looking for it - unless you are sitting at home reading pride & prejudice for the 80th time, life as a single 30 something is much too busy to constantly be worrying about your marital status; hence it is generally not expected

you must be the best aunt - truly i am an incredible aunt but saying this implies that being single automatically means that my pride and joy are the children of my siblings.  again, my marital status has nothing to do with whether i am a good aunt, it is instead based on my personality and loving family

are you sure you aren't being picky? - there is absolutely nothing wrong with having an understanding of what type of person will be compatible with in a relationship.  it isn't being picky when marrying someone would mean a change to a life that has been standard for many years and probably quite comfortable.

you're SO great.  why aren't you married? - hmmmm...just DO NOT ever say this to a single woman.  no explanation necessary.

have you tried online dating? - how someone dates is completely up to them.  if they feel comfortable focusing on an online connection then it is their choice.  online dating does not nor will it ever guarantee a relationship, no matter what eharmony or match promote.

single women are functioning, productive, charismatic, independent and fun loving people.  our marital status does not define our level of happiness.  i truly don't think that the fullness of joy comes once the ring is on the finger.  i just think it becomes a different kind of joy that you get to share with another person.  i know if i'm not able to find happiness with myself, there is NO way i'm going to find that joy with another person.

so please, no more "sweet" comments about my single status.  i'm doing just fine.  if this relationship is in my future then i will cross that bridge when i come to it.  my grandpa has already promised a great BBQ for my wedding reception.

why hello mr. ferragamo

i'm a single woman.  this means many different things.  primarily i don't owe an explanation to anyone about how i choose to spend the dollars i earn.  therefore i might have taken that "freedom" to the fullest extent over the last couple of months.  here's the story how mr. salvatore ferragamo and i developed and solidified our relationship.

i was in california at the end of june for my cousin's wedding.  after all the family left to their prospective homes away from the ocean, i opted to hang around for a couple of extra days to see some really good friends.  i was scheduled to hang with my friends brian, aida and their awesome crew of kidlettes.  we were meeting at 11am.  i got a text from aida that morning saying she forgot about brian's hockey game so would need to push back our meeting time.  so what was a girl from NYC to do with some solo time, a rental car and an american express card.  (light bulb going off) as i'm sure the retail planners of LA hoped, i headed to one of the 100s of malls.  bad idea for my budget.  very bad.

walked into the mall and the first store directly to my left was salvatore ferragamo.  i'm not going to lie, my heart did a little flutter but decided to avoid the temptation so walked around and browsed. elsewhere.  didn't buy anything.  decided it was time to go meet with my buds so headed towards my awesome rental car.  this meant walking back towards mr. ferragamo and his awesome shoes.  

the problem then became my excellent eye sight because tucked away in the corner of the shelving unit viewable from the glass was my favorite word in the english language - "SALE".  the happy endorphins kicked in and i entered the world of ferragamo.  was immediately greeted by well dressed sales woman who didn't blink at my choice of reef flip flops.  she took the shoe i chose from the sale shelf, which was an awesome red patent heel, to find my size and came out with about five additional options.  i kid you not that opening each box was taking me back to my favorite memory of opening presents on christmas morning while my joani's cinnamon ring was baking in the oven.  so i walked out with three pairs of shoes.  happy happy birthday to me!

if you know me well personally, you will realize that each of the shoes that now call my bedroom closet #1 home are a perfect embodiment of my personality.  go ahead and feast your eyes on my new preciouses.  and i look forward to not eating out, seeing movies, or buying blurays for awhile to come.