Saturday, August 25, 2012

a typical saturday

I went to the gym.

I did the dishes.

I cleaned the bathroom.

I took a nap.

I vacuumed my 5' x 9' area rug.

I ate hummus.

I made my bed after taking a 40 minute nap.

I ran both air conditioners at the same time.

I had take out Chinese for dinner.

I bought groceries and some Gatorade.

I contemplated changing the furniture layout of my living room.

I texted with my joani, friend T and netter.

I ironed my Capri pants and picked up the mail.

I dropped off my dry cleaning.

I checked my instagram feed (multiple times).

oh the entertaining, lively an exciting life I do lead.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

self portrait in contemplation

things not to say to a single woman in her 30s

for the good of single women in their 30s every where, please memorize these comments of what not to say to them or about them.

your time will come - unless you are married to father time and can for certain tell me that it is all about waiting for "my time" please keep this little morsel to yourself

it always happens when you least expect it or aren't looking for it - unless you are sitting at home reading pride & prejudice for the 80th time, life as a single 30 something is much too busy to constantly be worrying about your marital status; hence it is generally not expected

you must be the best aunt - truly i am an incredible aunt but saying this implies that being single automatically means that my pride and joy are the children of my siblings.  again, my marital status has nothing to do with whether i am a good aunt, it is instead based on my personality and loving family

are you sure you aren't being picky? - there is absolutely nothing wrong with having an understanding of what type of person will be compatible with in a relationship.  it isn't being picky when marrying someone would mean a change to a life that has been standard for many years and probably quite comfortable.

you're SO great.  why aren't you married? - hmmmm...just DO NOT ever say this to a single woman.  no explanation necessary.

have you tried online dating? - how someone dates is completely up to them.  if they feel comfortable focusing on an online connection then it is their choice.  online dating does not nor will it ever guarantee a relationship, no matter what eharmony or match promote.

single women are functioning, productive, charismatic, independent and fun loving people.  our marital status does not define our level of happiness.  i truly don't think that the fullness of joy comes once the ring is on the finger.  i just think it becomes a different kind of joy that you get to share with another person.  i know if i'm not able to find happiness with myself, there is NO way i'm going to find that joy with another person.

so please, no more "sweet" comments about my single status.  i'm doing just fine.  if this relationship is in my future then i will cross that bridge when i come to it.  my grandpa has already promised a great BBQ for my wedding reception.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

need a large glass of creative juice

i'm in a rut.  a serious deep into the earth with very little light coming down upon my face rut.  life has become too predictible and staid.  nothing exciting, enticing or entrancing to bring me and the rut a little closer to the ground level.  really the only things that help are my weekly dates with the kitchen cousins on HGTV and the occasional walk home from work when the humidity is low and i'm not carrying a bag full of shoes, an umbrella or shopping purchases.  these two things are not enough to bring me even a foot on the upward movement of climbing out of my rut.  i need more and i need it quickly before i am sent spiraling in the opposite direction from my chosen destination.

have you ever taken a moment in the quiet time of life to really, seriously think about what makes you happy?  does the light from your above the head light bulb suddenly turn into the intensity of a rock concert spotlight at the precise moment you realize that you only need that one thing/person/idea/focus/truth?  and once you realize this spotlight of happiness, are you actually able to take advantage of its glow so that the rut stays far, far away? 

the best i can determine is that my rut has become large and discouraging because i haven't been drinking my semi-regular glass of creative juice.  i grew up in a home where creativity was encouraged, as long as the creativity didn't find it's permanent way on the floors or walls of our home.  i remember during the summer that joani would declare one weekday "craft" day for us kids and we could spend our time making, building or creating something that would eventually line the inside of a trash can.  i loved those days as a kid because it taught me that i crave and devour creative things. 

this is the source of my rut - i can't remember the last time i was creative.  (and i'm not counting the process of choosing an ensemble to wear to work each day)  i can't remember the last time i took my camera and walked the streets of new york snapping daily life and daily beauty.  i can't remember the last time i tried and probably failed to write poetry.  i can't remember the last time i made a change to the decor in my living room or bedroom.  i can't remember the last time i tried something a bit funky with my hair or make-up.  i can't remember the last time i chose a nail polish color that wasn't white, off-white, pink or red.  i can't remember the last time i doodled on a piece of paper just because i was bored.  i can't remember the last time i sat at a piano/keyboard and just played something that i felt at that moment.  i can't remember the last time i danced around my apartment because i was filled with joy or pain from the music's notes and tone.  i haven't had a glass of creative juice in a very long time.

it seems to me that the only way to vanquish this rut or at least pull myself closer to viewing the horizon line from my rut is to take some precious time to be creative.  i'm not sure how long dancing around my apartment will last before the glass becomes empty again. but i think if i try to incorporate one or two of my favorite creative outlets each week that i can eventually make a change in life to demolish these almost constant feelings of craving change and adventure.  wish me luck to hopefully say sayonara to my rut, which i have named george.