Wednesday, April 24, 2013

personal realization #15 - the dark day is done

last year was a bit rough for me.  it didn't start out well, primarily because of the events that led to the dark day in february.  then my rut, named george, and i had some issues causing my happiness level to be down in the doldrums.  the kicker came when i noticed that my marital status might be my fault.  ouch. 
recently in my life i have been feeling abundantly blessed.  i mean life changing wonderful things have happened lately.  i'm not sure how to embrace all the good that is happening.  i feel like i'm cheating another person from getting their prayers answered because the majority of mine are being answered in a wonderful way.  and then there is a very slight feeling that something horrible is on the way to counteract all of these good things.  thankfully that is a very small, almost insignificant, thought right now because i remind myself that life doesn't work that way.  it also has helped to talk to a therapist.
the biggest recent "woo hoo" occured when almost a year of hard work and the catalyst for the dark day was overcome.  i reached my goal!  hip hop hooray!  strangely i did it by not putting so much pressure on myself and just trying my best.  then voila! i was able to defeat the events that led to the dark day.  in a way the agony and defeat i felt prior made the absolute joy of the moment of acomplishment so much sweeter.  i even cried again but this time the day was full of sunshine, birds singing and me skipping down a new york city street.
i guess the biggest personal realization from last year to where my life is this year is that hard work will pay off but often it takes time, commitment, assistance from others and patience.  lots and lots of patience.  i'm constantly learning how to be patient in my life.  i must have missed the line in heaven where they were handing out patience...instead i went right to the line where organization was being given out.  blast!
good things happen when you don't give up.  now i'm going to go bask in the warm and bright glow of happiness.

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